– ijk –

lately, i’ve been confronted with this question – what do i want life to look like? what are my north stars? what is the red thread binding together all of my heart’s pursuits? for the longest time, this question was really daunting. today, it feels.. kind of freeing? i have so many archived and drafted […]

the parallel between the hardest point of my life (2014-2017) and now feels too close for my comfort. when i think about that 3 year stretch, my mind is flooded by so many memories, almost all of which are too painful to fully recount, yet somehow, i am being confronted with eerily similar themes. the […]

hey, i heard a song today that you would’ve really liked. i wish i could share it with you. hope you’re doing alright.

“i don’t know where id be without you.” it’s a simple statement that arguably, can be said to almost everyone we know. it’s usually used to portray gratitude and endearment, but i often have this thought about people i almost wish i could un-meet. it doesn’t happen often. in fact, i can count on one […]

i went in for my second infusion today. still at 30mg administered over 40min (same as the last one), but this time with toradol and something for the nausea — i’ve been dizzy and my head has hurt since the infusion on tuesday. one of the things i’ve been fearful of since before i even […]

a note i sent my doctor — Dr. Dalack, I went to my first infusion yesterday. Leading up to the appointment, I felt a lot of anxiety but was able to disregard most of it. However, once I arrived at the clinic, I started to feel fearful and nearly asked if I could go home […]

today is the last day. assuming the treatment proves successful, tonight will be the last time i go to bed as someone who suffers from crippling depression; someone whose world has been heavy and doused in grayness since 11 years old. in truth, most of me refuses to feel hopeful. a mere 52% of participants […]

Lord, i find myself trying to quickly close the last chapter of my life. i still find it hard to put words to everything i experienced and the pain i endured for weeks – no, months. crying out, reaching out, wondering where you were in all of this. but Lord, as i laugh from the […]

the closer i get to 30, the more i seem to loathe every decision i’ve made until this point. the friends i’ve made or lost, the classes i took in college, the relationships i’ve chosen to give myself to, etc. i’ve never been able to look back and appreciate a situation in the past. at […]