honestly, this entire year has just been constant hurt.. followed by more hurt.
october is almost at an end, God, and only three words continuously come to mind – what the hell?
why the hell have i felt like this for SO long? why has it been so long since i’ve just been able to sit quietly? why are you always insisting that you grow me in some way?
is every part of my faith fundamentally incorrect? am i SO blind and WRONG that i need this much work done on me?
God, my heart is heavy. my mind knows that you, who so unconditionally loves me, are the ultimate source of peace and comfort.. but honestly, my aching heart is growing bitter, and i am unable to fully call this the truth.
i find guilt in writing these words, but if You truly want to hear my thoughts – here they are.